Denise Neish - Choosing a Joyful Life with Cancer

Just one round of chemo left!!!

Just one round of chemo left!!!!

Written Oct 31, 2011 10:33pm

I am so excited to be done with chemo!!  It has been since the beginning of May that I have been either in chemo, hospitalized, or trying to recuperate so I could get back into chemo.  I have felt pretty good during this last half of chemo, but STILL, I will be delighted to be done!!!!
This Friday will be my last day of chemo, hopefully forever!!!  Branden is going to be out of town for work, but I decided to take Alec with me for the day.
I have really tried to shield my kids from all I have been going through as much as possible, but a couple of weeks ago as I was sitting in the infusion room with the other cancer patients, I looked around and thought that it would be a really great experience for Alec to come with me for chemo one time.  He is almost 9, and pretty mature and sensitive for his age.  I think it would be good for him to see what I have been doing when I have been getting treated over the past several months, and for him to see other people going through similar things.  I want him to know that a lot of people are going through hard things, and hopefully for him to gain some compassion.
We will do something for cancer patients this year for Christmas, and it would be good for him to feel some connection to the people we will serve.  Plus, it will be nice to have several hours with just Alec.  I will have him bring a book and some drawing materials and snacks, and we will have a fun day together in the infusion room!
I have had some great conversations with other patients during chemo the last few weeks. When you are in treatment for cancer, the conversations you have with other people going through the same thing is very different than at other times in your life.  I won’t elaborate, but I have been really touched by talking with some people who are very different from me, but with whom I can totally relate!
I have been much more emotional while I have been in chemo.  I don’t know if it is the drugs, or the overall feeling of being so vulnerable that causes it.  Even when I don’t think I am emotional at all, I will sometimes get all teary about some little thing.  Other times I just try to ignore anything that could cause an emotional response so that I won’t get all emotional!  I am not sad or anything.  Really, I have been very happy, but I am just a little bit of an emotional basket case sometimes!!  =)
After chemo this Friday, I will wait 3 weeks and then get a PET scan. About a week after that I will begin radiation for 6 weeks.
I had another mugascan this week to check my heart, and it is looking great!  It started at 64% at the beginning of chemo, and got down to 49% over the summer.  It increased to 50%, and now it is back up to 55%.  That is really good news, and shows that the damage done to my heart from chemo is not permanent.
We took our kids trick-or-treating tonight and had a lot of fun.  It was hard getting everyone to bed though, because they were bouncing off the walls after all that candy!!

Catching up

Catching up

Written Oct 14, 2011 11:07pm

I didn’t update last week, but it was just chemo as usual!!  I did get a cold and was a little worried that my wbc count would be too low for chemo, but all was well!  I still haven’t gotten rid of my cold, but I was able to do chemo again today, and now I am down to a grand total of 3 rounds of chemo left!!!  Woohoo!!  I have been able to run/walk most days this week, and have felt pretty good despite my cold.
After chemo we will wait a few weeks and do another PET scan to see how things are looking.  Then we will need to make some decisions about how many areas to radiate.  Radiation can only be done once in a certain area, so if I need radiation in the future in that area I won’t have that option if I do it now. But I think that if I we see any cancer that is visible on the PET scan I will probably opt for radiating that area.
I need to get some further opinions, and think and pray about it before we decide.  Even if we don’t see anything visible on the PET scan, it would still be tempting to radiate the 3 areas where the cancer spread to my bones just to make sure we get rid of it, but I don’t know if that is the smartest thing to do or not.  It is standard procedure to radiate the original area of the cancer and lymph nodes that were removed already during surgery, so no decision needs to be made about that.
Then I will be in radiation for 6 weeks.  It is every day, Mon-Friday, but doesn’t take as long as chemo, and I won’t have to drive as far for it.  Right now I am just looking forward to finishing chemo, and getting the PET scan.
An interesting thing happened a couple of days ago.  I was called randomly by a girl whose sister lives in our neighborhood.  She is doing a segment on a Utah show called “Good Things Utah”.  She wanted to talk about breast cancer because October is breast cancer awareness week.  She remembered that her sister had told her about me a few months ago, and gave me a call.
She wants to put a face with her little story on breast cancer, and will be highlighting me on the show next Friday.  That will be a week from today at 10AM on ABC channel 4 for those of you in Utah who may be interested in it.  She said it will be really short.  I will probably sit in the audience, and they will show a picture of our family and briefly tell our story.
Alright, I am going to bed now!  Countin’ down baby!!  Only 3 more!!!  =)

The light at the end . . .

The light at the end . . .

Written Oct 3, 2011 10:31pm

I now have only 5 weeks of chemo left. I am still feeling pretty decent, although I do feel the fatigue sometimes.  I was able to receive treatment again last Friday, and it seems that I will continue to be able to be treated because these Neupogene shots that I get during the week are doing the trick of keeping my wbc count up.  I will definitely have a party when chemo is over!!!!
I have been growing some hair back.  For some reason I have not lost my hair with the Taxol, and so my hair has been growing back slowly over the past few weeks.  I now have a soft covering on my head that is about a centimeter long.  I have even been wearing it out without a hat a lot lately.  It looks really really short, but I am tired of always wearing hats and scarves!  I am just trying to pretend that I am stylish enough to wear my hair that short intentionally!!
I got a speeding ticket this week.  Branden got one a few weeks ago, so I guess we have both been officially welcomed to Utah now!  That was the first ticket I have gotten in 20 years!!  (Not that I’ve never been pulled over all that time.)  Apparently my chemo look and my pitiful driver’s license picture didn’t elicit much pity from the police officer!  You would think that all this cancer stuff would at least be good for getting me out of a ticket!  But the good news is that I didn’t really care!!
  My ticket was in American Fork, which is the same place that my wallet was stolen earlier this summer.  I was thinking later that I should have told the officer that since they never recovered my wallet (despite the fact that I filled out 3 different police reports for locations that my credit card had been used and where there were cameras) that maybe he could let me out of the ticket and we could call it even.  I wonder if he would have gone for it?!!
Branden and I are going to celebrate our 14th anniversary this weekend. We are going to stay overnight up in Salt Lake and do some fun stuff downtown Friday night. I am so grateful to have such a wonderful husband.  I love you Branden!!!

Halfway done with this half of chemo! =)

Halfway done with this half of chemo! =)

Written Sep 23, 2011 10:37pm

Today I had a long day at the hospital.  We started up with my follow-up mugascan.  This is the heart scan that I was kind of concerned about.  Last time the stroke volume was 49%, and they said that if it went any lower I would need to stop taking the Herceptin.  I have been trying to exercise as much as possible over the last 3 weeks to strengthen my heart in hopes that I can continue taking Herceptin, because it is such an amazing drug.  This week I was a little more tired and didn’t exercise as much, but the previous 2 weeks I did a really good job.
The mugascan showed that my heart has at least stayed about the same, if not improved.  I was up to 50%.  Branden and I were so grateful that I get to continue on the Herceptin.  The doctor thinks that my decrease from 64% (before I began chemo) down the the 49% a few weeks ago was caused from the Adriamycin that I got so sick from at the first of the summer.  My heart and body still seem to be recovering from my first chemo regimine!!
My wbc count has also continued to be good enough for chemo.  Today was my 6th dose of Taxol (my current chemo drug), and I now only have 6 left!  Then I will be DONE with chemo!!!  I am really getting excited to be done.  We will wait about 3 weeks after chemo to repeat a PET scan so that we can get clear results (without the Neupogen in my system).  I am really looking forward to getting a clear and hopefully clean PET scan and getting into a remission for a long time!!!
Thank you all so much for your nice and encouraging messages and emails.  I am amazed and grateful every day at how many good people are all around me.  It really has lifted me more than you may know.  Thank you, thank you!!!

To you who have lifted me- by Denise Neish

To you who have lifted me- by Denise Neish

Written Sep 18, 2011 11:08pm

I stepped out into the world one day to go for a run.  I was eager to try out my brand new running shoes.  The sky was brilliant as the sun rose over the mountains.  I breathed in the fresh crisp air as I laced on my shoes.  I was ready for this run!
It was hard to contain my energy and strength as I bounded out onto the pavement.  I smiled at the little flowers I saw blooming on the side of the hill.  It was almost effortless to glide forward at a nimble pace.
Sometimes I accelerated without even noticing.  Other times I stopped and dawdled at the side of the road.  Frequently there were others around me.  We ran together for a while and compared running shoes. We gleefully splashed through puddles, and trudged up some steep hills together.  We held our arms up in the air as we recklessly sprinted down the hills and into the valleys.
Soon one was running beside me.  He made my heart pound deeper. My steps grew in rhythm with his.  We turned onto a new path together. It felt familiar.  It was our own.
Our new path was narrower.  It was a lovely winding path with playful white flowers freckled along the side.  We splashed in the cool mountain stream that bordered our path.  We climbed a tree to get a better view and chartered our course.  Our shoes were slightly worn now, but we had taken good care of them, and knew that we could run many more miles on them.  We loved our new path.  We vowed to run on it together forever.
We decided to share our path with four new runners.  We were so excited to show them everything.  We laughed as they marveled at their new shoes.  We taught them to lace up their shoes, stretch, and run, run, RUN!!!!!  If they fell, we picked them up and brushed the dirt from their knees.  “Your wound will heal” we said, “It is not so bad.  Now get back up and run!“
It was hard to keep up with them sometimes!  But other times they lay peacefully in our arms as we reverently watched them sleep.  They were amazing.
We held hands and ran slower so that we could all stay together.  A steady pace forward and side by side was our goal.  The radiant sun was still high in the sky.
Suddenly a thorn shot through my shoe and tore deeply into my foot!  I was stunned at first and stumbled.  I could not get the bleeding to stop.  I fell and cried.  The wound was too deep to heal, I was told. I could see the wound, but I couldn’t feel the pain.
Someone cries beside me.  He takes my hand again.  We are wounded together.  We are lost from our course.  How could we lose our beautiful path?  This was not what we planned.
We tell our little runners that it will be okay.  It will heal.  Then we continue to run on our new path as the sun begins to hide behind the mountain.  We quicken our pace to beat the setting sun.  We hold each other’s hands.  Our little runners can feel our grips tighten.
When I am too weak to run, he carries me for a while.  I try to smile and I run when I can.  Our path gets steeper and darker.  I try to move forward on my own, and our hands lose contact briefly.  I can feel the pain now.  Our little runners cling to us and stumble when we do.  We reach out to find one another again and turn the corner.  The path is unfamiliar ahead.
If we cannot get back onto our beautiful path, can we make this one ours?  We decide to recharter our course.  First we must stop and remove the thorn, we decide.  It will hurt, but it must come out if there is any chance for it to heal.  We let ourselves believe that it can heal.  We cannot remove my shoe completely or I will have to go home right away.  We know that we will both end our run at home, but we want to enjoy the path together as long as we can.  We try to remove all of the thorn.  We don’t want to leave any part behind.
I sob with pain as it being removed.  Sometimes I stop and take a deep breath.  “We have to continue“, I say.  My will to be rid of the thorn is increasing.  I want to believe that my shoe can be as good as new.  Our little ones play alongside the path, unaware of the thorn.  I want to watch them grow into strong runners.  There is so much for me to teach them before we go on separate paths.  They come over to us when they see the clouds darkening, and we tickle them and tell them to go play by the stream for a while.  This will just take a moment longer.
We struggle to get rid of the thorn.  Feeling weak, we cry out to God.  “Please heal this wound!!”  Others encircle us and lift me to my feet.  “If you do your best to repair your shoe, I will take care of your foot”  comes the answer.
We summon all our strength and pull as hard as we can on the thorn.  It comes out but leaves a  wound in my foot and a hole in the shoe.  We ask others for help to repair the shoe.  We want to do the very best job we can so that the shoe will last a long time.  We have to use what is around us to repair it.  The repair job seems solid, but the shoe will never be completely the same.
I look at all who have gathered around me on our path.  They are telling me that it will be okay.  They encourage me to keep running.  I don’t like this path as much as the one I started on, but I am not alone like I was at the beginning of my run.  I decide that my foot needs to be stronger if my shoe is weakened.  I did not start this run only to go home early.  I will run better than I have ever run before!
I take his hand again with renewed energy.  I can feel my foot healing already.  We take our four little runners and begin again.  The path takes us around another corner, and the sun is still shining.  We only thought the sun was setting because of our place on the path.  My shoe is working well, but we know that all of our shoes will wear out eventually.  Then we will go to our beautiful home and rejoice at the new shoes that await us there that will never wear out.
But in the meantime, we look around and notice that the path is much more interesting than we thought.  The shadows only make the sunlit parts look brighter.  There is still a long way to go on the path before we reach our home.  We will never be the same as we were before the thorn.  In many ways we are stronger.  We are more aware that our run cannot last forever, but we are not afraid.  We vow to run our best, to splash in the stream, to raise our hands in the air and run recklessly down the hills, to lift those we see who have fallen on the path, to tickle our little runners, to teach them all we know, and to hold hands all the way home.

One more down!

One more down!

Written Sep 10, 2011 10:05pm

I was able to do chemo again on Friday. . . . barely!!  My white blood cell count went down again, and it was pretty close, but they let me receive treatment.  I just had one neupogene shot last week, and I had two the week before, so we decided that I need to have two again this week.  I think if I get two shots I should be able to get my wbc count up again for next week.  I’m just glad I did not have to skip a week this time.  I am finally really getting going on this chemo.  I have had 3 weeks in a row of treatment.  If I can keep going without problems, I will be done with chemo in 8 weeks.  I can’t even think of how excited I will be to be done!!!  =)
I am still feeling well, although a little more fatigued, but not bad at all compared to how I felt on the other chemo.  And I don’t get nauseous at all from this chemo, so that is nice!
My final mugascan results showed 49%.  It is not that great, and shows that my heart has undergone some trauma from the chemo so far.  I will get another mugascan in 2 weeks so that we can determine if it is the current chemo, or the previous chemo that did the damage.  I think that it must have been the previous chemo because this one is not nearly as harsh.  If it gets any worse I will have to stop chemo.
I feel like I need to exercise as much as I can to make sure that my heart stays strong, (or gets stronger).  I don’t like the idea of my heart weakening.  Pretty much, from here on out I need to have crazy good healthy habits.  I am trying to eat right, and exercise as much as I can.  I really feel better when I go on a walk or run each day.
I am really hoping that after I am done with all my treatments that I am able to actually be a good runner again.  I know I have bigger things to worry about than that, but I really do love running, and part of what I love about it is doing well in races, and feeling good when I run.  I want to be able to enjoy that again.
On a funny note, I was in the elevator at the hospital (with a scarf on my head) and an old man looked me up and down and said, “You look pretty good for being bald!”  I didn’t know whether to be offended or flattered!  I just said, “Thanks!”
I haven’t been “checked out” for a while now, so I guess I’ll take what I can get!!  =)

Lovin’ the Taxol

Lovin’ the Taxol

Written Sep 4, 2011 10:06pm

I was able to do chemo again on Friday.  My wbc count had increased from the previous week, probably due to a couple of shots I had during the week to help stimulate my wbc count.  I was glad we did that so that I could continue chemo.  I will get one shot of Neupogen this week, and see how that goes.  If my wbc count continues to be good, I will not get a shot the following week.  This is the first time I have done two weeks in a row of chemo since I started on the Taxol/Herceptin regimen.  I also had Zomata, which is a bone strengthening drug that I take during chemo once every month.  This helps for cancer that has spread to the bone.
I am still feeling good overall.  I am a little more tired, but not much.  I also had a mugascan this week.  This tests my heart strength since chemo is very hard on the heart.  The results are given in a percentage.  50% or above is normal.  Mine was 64% at the very beginning of chemo.  Now it is at 50.5%.  It is still within normal range, but has obviously decreased a lot.
The doctor feels like this was probably from this summer when I got so sick from the Adriamycin (the “Red Devil”), rather than from the Taxol that I am currently on.  But we will do another scan in 3 weeks to see if there is any change.  If it gets below 50% I may not be able to continue chemo.  At least my heart strength can increase through exercise after I’m done with chemo, so it should hopefully not be permanently weakened.
I am happy that I am continuing chemo now.  I know that it will work well, like it has in the past.  I have enjoyed feeling peppy for a while now, and it has done wonders to lift my spirits.  I know that if I continue with chemo, this tired feeling that is setting in will probably increase a bit.  But I will know that I am getting closer to being done with chemo, and that is a good feeling.
I have been very active this week, and have even exercised a time or two.  I want to do that more now that my little ones are going to start preschool this week.  I think that running/walking helps me to have more energy and feel better overall.
Lately I feel like I have been so excited for all the fun things that I can do when I am feeling well.  I have been making the most of each day and really enjoying it.  There are so many fun things to do that I want to have energy for them all!!  I love playing with my kids, exercising, practicing the piano, reading, writing, talking with friends, and I have even started making some Christmas gifts this past week.  I just want to do stuff while I am feeling well!  I think that even after I am better and done with treatment I will appreciate my life and all that I can do with it more than I ever have before.
I have also been feeling very grateful for a wonderful husband, good friends and family who continue to give me a lot of support and love through all of this, wonderful children, a nice house and neighborhood to live in, and the comfort of knowing that my Heavenly Father loves me and is looking out for me and my family.  I know that He lives and I have seen His hand in my life many times.  I know that He loves each one of His children.

Chemo at last!

Chemo at last!

Written Aug 27, 2011 11:05pm

I never thought I would be so happy to hear that I “got” to do chemo, but yesterday I felt like cheering when I heard that my white blood cell count had gone up enough for me to continue chemo.  I just was tired of being on hold, and I am wanting to continue to fight the cancer with chemo before moving on to another type of treatment so that I can get the full benefit of chemotherapy.
My wbc count was barely high enough to recieve the Taxol yesterday, but my doctor let me with the warning that it is highly likely that the Taxol will decreased my wbc count again, and that I may not be able to do it again next week.  But we will just take it week by week.
We talked about alternative treatment plans if I cannot tolerate the Taxol without my wbc count plunging every time.  But hopefully this will work.  I will be taking a couple of shots this week to help my wbc count, so hopefully that will work, and I will be able to do the weekly Taxol/Herceptin treatment that we had originally planned.
I could not sleep very well at all last night, even after taking a sleeping pill and Nyquil.  This happened last time I had Taxol too.  I guess that is just a side effect.  But other than feeling a little more tired today, I don’t feel any other side effects of the chemo right now.
Branden came with me yesterday, and since I was taking Taxol, which can make your fingernails and toenails die, I had to have them in buckets of ice water while I was receiving the Taxol for about an hour and a half. Branden always gives me a hard time if I have to take my fingers out of the ice water for a little bit because it hurts so much.  I can usually keep my toes in the whole time because they just get numb, but fingers just have so dang many nerves in them that it is really hard to keep them in freezing cold ice water for that long!
I challenged Branden to put his fingers in the ice water for as long as he could.  Any guesses on how long he did it?  It was probably less than 2 minutes!!  =)  It was killing him!  He had this tortured look on his face as he tried to keep it in for a little bit longer, and he said, “okay, okay, this is pretty bad!”  I just wanted him to have a little sympathy for me!!  =)
I got my official Utah drivers license in the mail a couple of days ago.  It is quite the mug shot!  I look so mad in my picture!  That is because when I went to take my test, I was in this long line, and didn’t have all the exact right documents needed, so I had to first go home again to get something else.  (It was hard to get the right documents for identification and residency because my wallet had been stolen with my old driver’s license and social security card!)
I went in shorty after I had gotten home from the hospital (about 4 weeks ago), and I still felt pretty weak, but was determined to get my driver’s license taken care of that day.  I had babysitting all lined up, and thought I had all the documents I needed.  After I went all the way back home and got through the long line again, I wasn’t in any mood to hear the guy ask me if I could take my scarf off for the picture.
I suddenly felt so embarrassed because there were all these people around me, and he was asking me to reveal my bald head in front of everyone!  I just looked and him and said, “I’m bald!  I’m going through chemo right now.  Do I really have to take my scarf off?!”  He sighed and said, “Just a minute.”  He went back and conferred with several people while I stood there trying to keep myself from crying in front of everyone.  I don’t know why I let myself get so emotional about it, but I guess I just felt humiliated!!
I heard him say to a police officer that he was speaking to, “Well, it’s not for religious reasons.”  Anyway, after they kept me waiting for a while and discussed it, he came back and said that I could leave it on.  I said, “I’m sure other people have come in here who are in chemo before.”  Then I sat down and had my picture taken.  It was not a very happy picture!!  So now I get to have this driver’s license picture of a mad, skinny Denise with a scarf on my head until 2016!!  =)

Feeling good, but no chemo!

Feeling good, but no chemo!

Written Aug 19, 2011 4:50pm

After feeling great all week, I went in for chemo today, hoping that my blood work would show that my white blood cell count had gone up from last week, and that I was ready to get going on my chemo again.  I am taking Taxol and Herceptin now.  Taxol is the chemo drug, and Herceptin is another type of treatment that is very good, but is not really chemo.  The Taxol is what I was hoping to get.
Unfortunately my white blood cell count is even lower than last week!  I was able to get the Herceptin, but then I just went home after that.  It made for a shorter day at the hospital, and I don’t get bad side effects from Herceptin like I do from the Taxol, but I felt disappointed to not be receiving the treatment I need.  I am concerned that my body might just really not like the Taxol, and I may not be able to continue chemo if my white blood cell count doesn’t go up soon.
There was another lab result that is an indicator that my body is preparing to make more white blood cells soon, and that number was very low too, so I don’t know if it will be any better next week when I go in or not.
Dr. “B” feels like my bone marrow is still very low from the first type of chemo I was receiving when I got so sick.  Then when I started my first treatment of Taxol two weeks ago, it made my body react badly because it remembers what the other chemo did to me.  (Something like that!)  We are just going to play this week by week and see what happens with my white blood cell count next week.
In the meantime, I do feel good, and have been able to run almost every day this past week.  It has been beautiful weather, and I have thoroughly enjoyed getting out in it!  I missed out on a lot of this summer, and have been trying to make up for it a little bit these past few weeks.  I even hiked part way up the mountain that is behind our neighborhood.  I would have gone higher, but I saw a snake and decided it was time to turn around!!  =)
My niece, who has been living with us and helping me take care of my kids and house, is leaving today.  I am glad I feel a lot of energy right now so that I can hopefully handle things without her.  It has been a while since I have taken care of my kids all by myself!  (Pretty sad, but I will have to get used to it again.)
My oldest, Alec, will start school on Tuesday, and I found a preschool for Max and Lily which will begin two weeks later.  They will go everyday from 9-12, and Macy will go into their toddler room for daycare during that time.
I would rather just have them home, but I don’t know how I will feel during the rest of treatment, and after chemo I still have radiation for 6 weeks, then a surgery, etc., etc., so I felt like we needed to have some time each day for me to rest, or get things done without the kids.  And if I continue to feel well throughout all this, then who knows what I will do with 3 free hours each day!!

2 down, 10 to go!!

2 down, 10 to go!!

Written Aug 13, 2011 12:04am

Today was my second of the 12 rounds of chemo that I will be doing with Taxol and Herceptin.  I have continued to feel great this week, and I appreciate feeling well so much more than I ever have in my life!!
I don’t know if this will continue throughout the rest of chemo, but even if I start feeling worse, this has been a good reminder for me of how I will feel again when chemo is over.  If I start to feel fatigued or sick, I know that I have something to look forward to when I am done with all of this!!  I am so glad that I am only sick from the chemo, and not feeling sick at all from the cancer.  That means that I can feel like myself again at some point.
I also feel like I have had a much better attitude this past couple of weeks because of how good I feel.  It’s interesting how much mood can be effected by how we feel physically.  My kids have been happier too because I have been happier.  I need to make sure to keep up this good feeling even if I start to feel worse throughout the next several weeks of treatment.
I just am so grateful to be able to do normal things like exercise, play with my kids, run errands, go out with Branden, see friends, clean the house, and have the energy to do it all.  I even went on a big water slide at 7 Peaks Water Park this week when Branden had a work party there.  It was the most normal “healthy person” kind of activity that I have done all summer long!!  Nothing is healing right now (like from surgery), and I am not too nauseous or weak or dizzy to go on a crazy ride.  It was so fun!!
So, for chemo today, despite the fact that I am feeling so well, I was not allowed to do the Taxol, because my white blood cell count was too low again.  I did get the Herceptin, but that was it.  It made chemo shorter, and I won’t have to worry about feeling bad this week because Taxol is the one with the side effects, not Herceptin.  I was disappointed that I could not do my full treatment, because I want to make sure we are fighting this cancer as aggressively as possible.  But then again, it’s nice to know that I will not get the side effects from the Taxol this week.
My white blood cell count is not dangerously low.  My doctor is just worried because of how much it dropped, and because of how sick I got before when my white blood cell count basically went to 0.  I went from 14 last week (which was slightly high due to the steriods I had taken), to only 3 this week.  Dr. “B” just wants to see my numbers go up some more by next week.
I hope that it is up next week, because I don’t want to miss another treatment.  It is not a big deal that I missed one, since we will be doing so many, but I want to know that I am fighting this thing.  If I’m going to be in chemo, I want to just do it aggressively and know that I did my best when I am done.
I was surprised that my wbc count was low since I feel so well, but my wbc count has been all over the place the last several weeks, so I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised.  I guess it is good to be cautious though, because I certainly don’t want to go back to the hospital again.  Overall, I feel great, and I will just hope and pray that my white blood cell count increases this week.