HomeJournal

January 2012 - Denise Neish

A New Year!!!

Posted by | Radiation, Thoughts | No Comments

A New Year!!!

Written Jan 13, 2012 10:31am

Hallelujah for a new year!!!  No offense to 2011, but I was not sorry at all to see it go!  In fact, over the past several weeks, every time I thought about the year ending, and a new year beginning, I got this excited feeling inside.  I am sooooo ready for a new year!  2012 is going to be much better than 2011!!!

I am sitting in my usual spot in a big comfy chair at the Huntsman Cancer Center in Salt Lake.  This has been my home away from home, unfortunately, for the past several months.  I only come up here every 3 weeks now for Herceptin and sometimes Zometa.  I don’t really mind coming now that I am not getting any chemo drugs.  It is good to keep in touch with the nurses up here and some of the patients I have become friends with over this past year.  It is an hour north of where I live.  I go to American Fork hospital for daily radiation.  It is only about a 10 minute drive from my house.

Radiation is going fine.  I am feeling great!  I continue to run most days and I am very careful to eat a healthy diet.  Today I am going to get my treatment here, and then try to bust down to American Fork for radiation, and then go home and get our family ready to head down to St. George.  We haven’t visited my sister there for a long time, and it is warmer down there too, so it will be a nice getaway for the weekend.  My kids get so excited to see their cousins down there too!
So, I have been feeling kind of like a tough girl lately.  I think it comes with feeling good, and nearing the end of major treatment.  It’s funny, because when I run on the treadmill in the mornings, before I go to radiation, if I hear a song on the radio that is something about surviving or being tough or winning or something like that, I get this adrenaline rush like when I used to compete in track in college! I am feeling like I am winning a major battle right now.  I know it’s not because of me, but it makes me feel invigorated.  I don’t know how to explain how I feel, but it’s like I am coming out of a long dark tunnel and can finally see the light at the end.
Last April I had to tell my family over the phone about my Stage 4 diagnosis.  I couldn’t hardly talk as I called each person in my immediate family.  I told them quickly that it had spread to my bones and that the doctors had told me I was “incurable”.  I told them that I didn’t want to talk to anyone for a few days.  We were moving to San Diego, and I needed to focus on getting our family moved and making it out here to Utah.
The next day we had people in our house and we were loading up the moving truck and saying goodbye to friends.  I tried to act normal, but a few times I had to go outside around the corner to cry for a minute before I could go back to the whirlwind of people in our house.  In the middle of all of this I got a 3 word text message from my little brother.  All it said was, “kick it’s a$$”.  I laughed for a moment, and I appreciated the message, but I didn’t really feel like that was possible at the time.
Now I am realizing that that is what is happening.  I am “kicking it’s a–“!!  I feel kind of like the doctors lied to me when they told me I couldn’t get better.  That’s not what they intended to do, but they never really told me that I had any hope.  I think that I could never come to terms with that because I always had a feeling deep down that I was going to get better!!
I will get another PET scan 3 months after I complete radiation, and I will continue to get scanned every 3 months for a while, then every 6 months at some point.  I don’t know what will happen in the future, but right now I feel great, and I am so grateful every day for a healthy body.  I am so thankful for love and support from family and friends, and I am thankful to my Heavenly Father for carrying me when I didn’t think I could take another step!!  Life is good, and I am moving forward!